executive director of everybody Dance Now!

Sharing my journey. living out my passion. Persisting through struggles.

Hoping to serve as inspiration for others TO Follow where their hearts lead. 

I like thinking a lot…writing not so much

I’m always in my head — processing, evaluating, contemplating. It’s how I interact with the world. I take things in and try to understand before I speak. Early on, I wasn't aware of my introversion or Myers-Briggs classification (I’m an INFJ, in case you were wondering). I was labeled as shy, reserved, etc. But I had tons of words floating around my head and a need to filter them before making anything public.

Writing should be a safe space for someone like me. What’s better than having all the time in the world to contemplate what you want to share? Surprisingly, I don’t enjoy writing as much as I do thinking. By thinking, I don't mean aimlessly day-dreaming. I mean internally struggling with a problem, working through various scenarios, reflecting on my feelings and parsing out some kind of meaning from it all. I was the kid who wondered why we had to show our work when solving a problem.

Stepping into a leadership role, I’m coming to terms that processes and workflows that stay in my head aren’t useful to those I manage. My visions for the future of our organization can’t be mine alone. At some point, through writing, speaking, or other forms of communication (maybe interpretive dance?), my thoughts must come into a public space. As much as I feel this should be natural, it’s hard. When exploring the internal barriers I face, I discovered a few things:

  1. Writing makes a temporary idea permanent — or semi-permanent. I like the notion of ideas being fluid. Somehow etching them into the real world has a level of concreteness that makes me uncomfortable. I feel I lose the freedom when I turn in a final submission. On a side note, these same beliefs cause me to favor freestyle dance over choreography. I'm prefer experiencing a moment of brilliance that might never be captured again rather than perform an expertly rehearsed piece more than once.
  2. Writing makes me highly aware of my perfectionism. Endless revisions soon give way to a scary notion - I could work on this proposal forever if there was no deadline. It could always be better, more polished. A thought can be replaced in an instance with no sense of needing to hold on to or change it.
  3. If I spent as much time documenting what I thought as I did thinking about it, I’d have a lot more things to share. Blog posts, books, organizational policies, inspirational stories — how much more could I contribute if I wasn’t content with my ideas remaining my own. Pulling from and putting my thoughts onto the nearest canvas might be the healthiest thing I could do for myself and others.

Consider this another step into the arena of discomfort. This post that existed a few weeks ago a thought. These ideas kept repeating themselves for some reason so I figured they were looking for somewhere else to live. Outside of my head and into yours perhaps. Maybe that’s how I can look at writing — a medium for conversation or the spark for another idea. Let’s see if that makes it any better…

New life...new focus

The value of personal connections in a digital age